SInce starting to write here, it’s in the back of my mind all the time. A week ago I had a song stuck in my mind, it had been there for a couple of weeks and it played continuously. I’d be doing something and realize that freaking song was looping again. I had another song that I’d deliberately sing in my head to bump the awful one out, it usually worked for a few minutes. Now I’m thinking instead about what I’m thinking and is it something to explore? This has made me a little nutso. Some of me has taken a seat in the back part of my brain and is watching the thoughts go by. It is eating popcorn, sometimes throwing it at the screen, and sticking gum under the seat. Which is fun, creepy, weird, interesting, and sort of entertaining.
However it doesn’t do great things for being in this moment doing what I’m doing. I’m sort of on auto pilot. I’ve lived in the same neighborhood since 1982 and the other day I almost turned the wrong way onto a one-way street four blocks from my house. I pressed buttons on the microwave yesterday to keep the conventional oven’s timer from beeping. I’m having to say “Earth to Susan” more often than usual. I have to consciously watch myself around knives and stairs and driving a little more since this realization.
Also I’m carrying a notebook and pen wherever I go to record memories and insights and topics to write about. I met a friend at a restaurant the other day and he said I might want to get a fedora and put a Press card in the brim. Little snips of conversations I overhear are more interesting than usual. And I’m saying yes to ideas that pop into my head. Yesterday I took Beaumont the Bulldog for a ride in the car and spontaneously pulled over to take him for a little walk through an alley. Saw a friend there and wound up having a great conversation. I like this, it’s added a whole other dimension to my life. Now if I can just avoid a car accident, and stay present enough to not be a danger to society, this will all be just fine.